My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
