How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
