well most of my day revolves around power hour
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
