I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
