I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
