why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
