He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
