He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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