I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
