at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
