I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
