you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
