I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
