Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
