my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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