just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
