Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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