I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
