I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
