it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
