Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
