her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I want is dick and wine.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
