the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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