I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
