dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
