chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
