What a fucking waste of an outfit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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