I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
