That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
