I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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