I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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