Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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