I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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