theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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