She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
