getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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