I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
