i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
