I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
