now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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