Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
