I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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