We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
