it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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