he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
