Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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