Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
