She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
