I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
