also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
