just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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