Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
