If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
