i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
