you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
worst night to have a conscience
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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