It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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