his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
