did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
