I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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